Thursday 19 March 2015

Rules for dads left in charge this weekend

I'm going away for a couple of days. That's right people, an entire 48 hours.  Leaving Mr Average in charge.

So there needs to be a list.  But it doesn't consist of simple errands or activity timetables. Oh no.  

My ten years of - ahem - managing Average Towers has resulted in a set of full-blown guidelines. Call it control freakery if you like. I call it common-sense based on past experience...


ACTIVITIES

Under no circumstances, should you blow our entire monthly budget on fun-filled and expensive excursions.  This may well result in our offspring having "the best time ever" and elevate you to the position of *fun daddy*.  It's still not worth incurring my wrath for.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, it's equally unacceptable to park them in front of the telly for two days solid.

NUTRITION

Breakfast can surely take care of itself.  Lunch should feature at least one attempt at fresh fruit or vegetables. Boxed raisins do not count.

When it comes to teatime, ignore the lovingly well-stocked fridge at your peril.  Repairing to the fish and chip shop is not an option. Your failure to air the house afterwards means you'll be rumbled within 20 seconds of my arrival home.

ASSISTANCE

Roping in your mother (or indeed mine) to help is a cop-out. This applies to any other female relative who might be approached in the role of rescuer.

Worse still is the exploitation of any play dates that I have earned on behalf of our children. Don't even go there. Those two hours of payback are mine.

MY RETURN

It would be useful if the house interior was vaguely recognisable on my return. I don't expect clean.  I don't even expect tidy.  Merely habitable.

There should be a grace period of at least one week before you mention booking your own cycling/ski-ing/rugby trip with the guys - and the fact that it's several days longer than mine.

Stick to the above and we'll be just fine.

(To all those crudité-preparing, nature-rambling fathers out there, I apologise.  To all the other Mr Averages, read and learn.)

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You Baby Me Mummy

12 comments:

  1. Love it! Have a great weekend away Clare! Lucky you.

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    1. Thanks Karen. Hope all is well with your own lovely family :-) C x

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  2. Haha...I'm not even around to check up on him!! Enjoy your break. X

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  3. I think a list is eminently sensible, good luck getting him to read it though ;) have fun too! #pocolo

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    1. Stephanie - thanks so much for visiting and commenting. Yes, writing it was probably the easy part ;-)

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  4. Haha have fun on your weekend away, sure it will be worth it :) #pocolo

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    1. Thanks Laura. I'm sure it will - regardless of the state of the house on my return!

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  5. My OH needs this as I've not got time to write a list! See you at #Britmumslive

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    1. Haha Zena! I'm not escaping to #Britmumslive unfortunately :-( Another year, I hope. Have a BRILLIANT time!

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  6. Ha ha! This is great, they all need to learn these gems :) Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x

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    1. Thanks Aby! Sorry for the delayed response - I've been wiped out with a 'flu/cold bug (sadly I've not been away on another jolly!). C x

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