Friday 29 May 2015

The language of parenting

On reading the title, you might anticipate a post stuffed with pearls of wisdom about how to communicate with infants. If so, click away now.  Baby whisperer I am not.

There is, however, an alternative parenting language that I became fluent in with relative ease. You may have done so too.  See if you recognise any of these little foibles in your day-to-day speech...


Formulaic phrases

Embedded in your psyche from when you were a child, these come flooding back unbidden. Little gems such as "Look at me when I'm talking to you" and "What's the magic word?" become a regular part of your vocabulary. Admit it: Who's almost said the latter to a sulky checkout assistant?

Memory-loss improvisation

I'm not just talking about calling a plate a "thingmejig". Oh no. There's an element of creativity that goes with the absent-mindedness of the overstretched parent.  It's particularly evident when it comes to forgetting the names of others' children.  I've perfected the art of leaning into the pushchair and saying "How's this wee smasher/little toot/young man doing today?". While crossing my fingers and fervently hoping that the parent will address their child by name.

Selective ownership

I've acquired a seamless ability to disown and re-own (is that even a word?) my little cherubs. Any display of talent is instantly attributed to some sort of similar ability I had in my youth. (Remember Baby's mother in Dirty Dancing? "I think she gets it from me.")  And at the first hint of mischief? Mr Average is firmly told that he needs to teach "his" children how to behave. Hey, no-one said this life was fair.

Channelling messages via children

Most of us won't admit to this. But we all know that we've done it.  Ohhhhh yes.  It works particularly well before the children can speak properly themselves.  Picture the scene. You need to say something that won't sit well with a relative. You therefore adopt a sing-song voice and pass it off as your child's thought process.  "Oh dear. Silly Auntie Pam doesn't realise that we can't stay for lunch/drink fizzy juice/handle shopping centres yet."  Auntie Pam knows exactly what you are up to. And she's totally ticked off. But to retaliate would seem churlish.

Sometimes - just occasionally - children do have their uses.

Alternatives to expletives

Flippin' heck, I really should have mastered this one by now. Funnily enough, it's the only part of the linguistic parenting portfolio where I occasionally lapse into my pre-mother tongue...

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Mums' Days

21 comments:

  1. I am a serial "Magic Word" person! Dropping in from #PoCoLo

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    1. Thanks Heidi - I think there are a few of us out there ;-)

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  2. I agree with all of these! And funny how the formulaic phrases sound a lot like our parents. #PoCoLo

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    1. I know! Wonder if our own children will maintain the tradition? Thanks for stopping by Tarana - I enjoyed your post this week on #PoCoLo.

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  3. I can relate to all of these clearly speaking the language of parenting!

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    1. Great to know I'm not alone :-) Thanks Louise.

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  4. Thingy is an everyday word in my household because I am so forgetful now =( #pocolo

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    1. But you're in good company :-) Thanks for stopping by.

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  5. Brilliant post! I have yet to completely master the alternatives to expletives but have definitely mastered the art of trying to cover the fact that I have forgotten a child's name whilst desperately hoping the parent will use it! And there are definitely days when I feel like I sound just like my mother! :-)

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    1. Yay! It's great to know that it's not just me Louise...;-)

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  6. I do all of these! Yikes! #PoCoLo

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    1. But you are in good company ;-) Thanks for stopping by.

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  7. I'm most definitely guilty of all of these and my twin daughters are all grown up now! It doesn't get any easier!!
    #PoCoLo

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    1. I suspect these are life habits for me now too Izzie! Thanks for visiting and commenting :-)

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  8. Love this. As a bartender I often encounter people who don't seem to know the words please or thank you and I am often tempted to ask them for the magic word. Most often the conversation goes like this:
    Customer: Carling
    Me: Sorry, we only have Carling please today!
    #TheList
    Debbie
    www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

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    1. Haha Debbie - I love your style! Thanks for stopping by and commenting :-)

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  9. Oh we do selective ownership all the time! ha ha! Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x

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    1. Soooo glad it's not just me Aby! Thanks for having me at #TheList :-) x

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  10. It's not the kids names I find difficult, it's the parents'. There are lots of parents of my kids' friends I have forgotten the names of, and it is now far far beyond the time I can admit to that. Sadly, I am never to be rescued by their kids using their names either.

    Otherwise, yes, recognize these!

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  11. It's not the kids names I find difficult, it's the parents'. There are lots of parents of my kids' friends I have forgotten the names of, and it is now far far beyond the time I can admit to that. Sadly, I am never to be rescued by their kids using their names either.

    Otherwise, yes, recognize these!

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    1. Yup, parents' names are a particular challenge! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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