Flexible working - a follow up

Last week, I was lucky enough to have my thoughts on flexible working covered in an 'Industry View' piece for the Your Job supplement of the Press & Journal newspaper.

Grateful for the opportunity, I  attempted to write some meaningful words that would be relevant to the publication's readership within the prescribed word count.

In reality my 500 words only scratched the surface of what remains a contentious issue. Articles like this one here are shared and commented on worldwide.  Clearly, lots of us have strong feelings on the subject.

So what of my own deeper feelings?

As with the newspaper article, I prefer not to focus solely on flexible working in relation to women. Men are equally entitled to this choice - and the associated benefits. And if the focus has to be on those who have children, let's talk about parents instead of only mothers.

I'm not living in la-la land.  I acknowledge that it's the female of the family who is more likely to put her career on hold and "flex" to accommodate the arrival of children.  That said, studies reveal that if no stigma was attached, most men would welcome the opportunity to reduce their workload to allow more time for family or other external interests.  The excellent 'Half a Wife' by Gaby Hinsliff talks about this in more detail. It's well worth a read.

Government and organisational systems have a long way to go before they truly facilitate and support flexible working for both men and women.  But until those systems are in place, we as individuals must continue to strive to make our work, home and family lives fulfilling.  Perhaps even harder than system change, is the change in mindsets and attitudes that is required for both sexes to genuinely believe that they can achieve a work-life balance that is right for them.

I, for one, have faith in our ability as humans to facilitate this change.  Many parents demonstrate great resourcefulness and creativity in finding ways to enable their families to function. Stretching budgets, splitting roles, juggling to accommodate children's activities, living off a single income: These are all challenges that families are plunged into and cope with admirably.

Having children also frequently acts as a driver for new parents to consider paths they might never previously have trodden, such as starting new business ventures or remaining within the same line of work but on a different basis - perhaps as a contractor or freelancer.  Others still, with the right support from an employer, may remain with the same organisation but with a different remit or work pattern.  These need not be viewed as 'second best' choices but instead as meaningful - and perhaps better - alternatives.

Flexible working arrangements are not always easy to achieve, or to sustain.  Both our systems and our attitudes can be an impediment.  But I do believe that a fulfilling work life should not be at the expense of a fulfilling family life - or vice versa.  Individuals, families and organisations need to work together and strive to find solutions that allow all parties to flourish.  This might mean opening our minds to new ways of doing things and accepting the element of risk involved.

When it comes to working flexibly, we need to keep up the good fight: For ourselves, for our future - and for our families to follow.

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Decisions, decisions: But how best to make them?

Big life decisions. We've all had to make them, whether they're to do with relationships, careers or lifestyle.

I'm not a particularly calm or swift decision-maker.  I really wish that I was.  It's an agonising process isn't it? Swaying back and forth between different scenarios, desperately trying to come down on the right side. The words 'quandary' and 'dilemma' spring to mind.  If I was more of an optimist, I would use the words 'choice' and 'opportunity' instead.  Because, in all fairness, big life decisions are usually about choices and opportunities even if the process of making them feels more like a quandary or a dilemma.

In the next few months, it's likely that I'll have to make a fairly important decision.  I'm not pushed for time (yet), however I've already started some of the processes that I'll need to go through to help me make it.

Pros and cons:  Yes, that old chestnut.  But, in all honesty, whenever a friend comes to me in this sort of situation, it's exactly the starting point I would suggest.  Take a clean page. Put a line down the middle. Write those pros and cons down.  Scrutinise the results in black and white.  If you're lucky the answer might be staring you in the face.  If not, the process of putting your thoughts down on paper will hopefully have nudged you a little further along the decision-making way.

Consult others:  Particularly those whom your decision might  affect. (Hint: Toddlers are not the most insightful of confidantes).  Has someone you know gone through a similar decision-making process? It might be useful to talk to them. Trusted, clear-thinking friends can also be immensely helpful.  Take their thoughts and ideas on board. But be prepared to take responsibility for the decision you eventually make - whether you follow their advice or not.  (My sister once apologised to me for advising me to take a job that didn't work out.  I was genuinely astonished. My decision. My fault. And valuable lessons were learned along the way.)  

Defining moments: Sometimes - and particularly if you're a procrastinator like me - it takes a trigger to make you realise where your head and heart lie.  A friend recently confided that it wasn't until her boss started making  plans for her at work that she knew she was ready for a change. Brilliant parenting blogger, Amy Ramson, confesses in a very honest post how she and her husband made their decision to have a third child. Her defining moment? An unplanned third pregnancy which ended in miscarriage made her feel that nature was telling her 'no' to a third child. The thought made her so miserable that she's turned it into a 'yes'. Happily, she's now pregnant again and expecting a new arrival soon.

Relax: This is rich coming from me as I am one of the least chilled-out people I know.  However, Amy Ramson has another piece of advice within her post that makes a lot of sense. Sometimes the best thing you can do is not to overthink the big decisions.  There's an ancient Buddhist saying:  "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  Perhaps when the mind is relaxed, answers will present themselves more easily too?  I like to go running to switch off when I'm stressed out, others might enjoy yoga or walking. Regardless of how you do it, a relaxed mind is surely a strong foundation for moving forward.

And on that happy note, I need to decide whether to flick the kettle on or pour myself a glass of red. Think I can just about handle that one...

How do you make big life decisions? Please share your strategies by leaving a comment below.

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Why running is my saviour...

Runners get a lot of stick.  Heck, even I have to confess that I poke fun at myself every now and then for my 'sad' addiction to plodding the streets in Lycra.  However during my run today, which had the added bonus of some amazing Scottish scenery, I decided it was time to strike back and defend this pursuit which has given me so much.

Here's why it works for me - and (I hope) always will...

1. It fits round everything else.  I chose running as my form of exercise when the kids were young because it could be slotted into our crazy schedules.  Between the little 'uns, hubby's erratic shift pattern plus my own self-employed commitments, signing up for a block of classes just didn't make sense - I'd miss at least half the sessions.  With running, I can just go - whenever a window of opportunity presents itself.

2. I love the great outdoors. This is not the case for everyone but I truly love to be outside.  Allegedly, I can be quite grumpy if I don't get my daily dose of fresh air.  I realise that the gym has social benefits for many - plus the attraction of not getting caught in torrential rain - but for me outdoor trails win over indoor treadmills every time.

 

What do you mean you can't run when it's snowing?

 

 

3. It's cheap. I write this with my tongue firmly in my cheek.  Perhaps I should write that it was cheap in the beginning. As my running has increased, so has my wardrobe of fitness clothing and accessories.  For those on a budget though, apart from an initial investment in a good pair of trainers, running can be a very cost-effective hobby.

 

4. It's flexible.  Running can be done with friends, or through a club.  It can also be done on your own.  It can be competitive, or it can be purely for pleasure or general fitness.  It can be done on trails, hills or roads.  It can take the form of a half-hour, high-energy outing or a three-hour test of endurance and stamina.  Think running's boring? I hasten to differ.  If you want to, there are plenty of ways that you can mix it up.

 

5. It's good for body and mind.  I suspect that this is the real reason I keep at it.  Running has helped me to unravel work issues, let off steam after a tetchy day with the kids and preserve my sanity during the toughest of times.  Dealing with my father's terminal illness - and recent loss - is one of the most difficult things I've had to do. Running was my therapy.  It helped me release some of the anger I felt at the terrible disease that was destroying him. It also made me feel closer to him at a time when I knew he was slipping away.  My dad was a great sportsman and a huge supporter of all my own running efforts  - from cross country at primary school through to my first 5K as a mum.  Sometimes, when I'm out there, I can still feel him cheering me on.

 

Running's not for everyone - and I suppose it never will be.  But for this runner, the emotional and physical benefits are more than worth the flak from the non-running community.

 

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Shared on Works-For-Me-Wednesday (WFMW).

Surviving the post-holiday slump

I just love getting away.  Whether it be for a mini-break or a (sighs wistfully) fortnight's holiday, there's simply nothing better.  There's the big stuff, like the change of scenery and the chance to meet new people and, if you're really lucky, experience a new culture.  Then there's all the little stuff, like the fluffy white hotel towels, the woody aroma of the leisure suite's sauna and the fact that you don't have to think about preparing a meal for days on end.

 

There's just one thing that puts me off going away. Coming back.  Yes, it sounds idiotic.  And yes, I'm not daft enough to forego all of the above advantages in the interests of avoiding a post-holiday slump.  The thing is, though, that the return to reality can be tough.  And I'm not the only one who thinks so. As she was in the throes of preparing for a long-haul trip, a good friend confided in me that she was already worried about how she'd cope on her return.

 

So what is the average holiday-lover to do? While there is no panacea, the following small acts can make the pain of getting back to old clothes and porridge marginally more bearable...

 

1. Forward planning

 

Big fat groan.  As if there isn't enough to do when you're packing for an entire family, I hear you say. This is all about making things easier, so bear with me.  And it really doesn't involve huge swathes of time - honest.  If you're away for a lengthier break, consider asking a neighbour or relative to air the house and have a few fresh supplies in the fridge for your return.  If you shop online, see if you can squeeze in the time to place an order for delivery just after your return. That way, you can avoid the trauma of the supermarket run and focus on the laundry mountain instead. Workwise, ensure that your colleagues and/or clients know that you're out of action for the duration. There's nothing like an inbox crisis to really ruin your return.  

 

2. Breathing space

 

When you book your time off, try to avoid arriving home late on Sunday night when you're due back in the office at 0830 on Monday.  I know, I know, it's hard enough to carve out time for the actual holiday and for the self-employed time is money.  It's just that an extra 24-48 hours to catch your breath and settle back in at home can make the inevitable return to work far less painful.

 

Can't spare the extra time off? At the very least, save some holiday budget for a family takeaway when you stagger through the front door tired, dirty and hungry.  The prospect of preparing a meal and washing up afterwards is never going to appeal after a long journey with small people in tow.

 

3. Make the goodness last

 

We've all been there.  While you're away, you feel revitalised, energised and at one with the world.  "I'm going to hang onto this feeling," you assure yourself as you mentally hatch a plan for fulfilling all your wildest dreams.  Two seconds in the front door and the transformation back into jaded, cynical and downtrodden working mother is complete. (Or perhaps that's just me?)

 

The key here is a keepsake.  Whatever works for you. It could be an expensive body lotion from the hotel spa.  It could be a jar of pebbles or shells from the beach.  It could be your travel journal from your time away.  It could simply be all those snaps that are stashed away on your smartphone.

 

Which brings me to my final thought: Don't leave them lingering on your SIM card. Print them, frame them, enlarge them, look at them.  And whisper to yourself these three little words:

 

"I'll be back."

 

How do you cope with the post-holiday slump? Leave a comment and let me know.

 

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Shared on Works-For-Me-Wednesday (WFMW).

Finding that extra hour in the day you never knew you had

As regular readers of this blog will know (hi mum, hi sis), I've been using my latest posts to have a bit of a grumble about the über-juggle of working throughout half-term with a terrifyingly long to-do list.

 

Well, it's confession time.  Because despite being SOOOOOO busy and having SOOOOOO much to do, I managed to put aside at least one hour every day during the last fortnight for something new.

 

I've not joined a gym.  Neither have I extended my 25-minute plod round the local pavements that I optimistically refer to as "a run".  I've not even joined a club and met lots of fabulous new people.

 

My new activity over the past fortnight has not involved leaving the house.  It hasn't even involved leaving the sofa.  Have you guessed yet?

 

Winter Olympics fever.  Who knew?  Every evening at 7pm my little family and I have huddled into the TV room to watch the latest highlights from Sochi.  Exciting? Yes. Inspiring? Yes.  Compulsive? Yes. Yes. YES.

 

Winter Olympics: Our new addiction

 

With the reality of the closing ceremony looming, I was left feeling a little empty. It's amazing how quickly habits start to form. I was really going to miss our nightly family huddle and our own silly wee game of cheering on our bib colour of choice in the ski cross.

 

Then my mind started to wander a little further...  If I could find an hour each day, during an exceptionally busy fortnight, to enjoy a shared interest with my family, why couldn't I turn that habit into a long-term thing?

 

It needn't involve us leaving the house.  It needn't involve pots of money.  And it needn't involve the TV either.  But if we can continue to spend one hour each day having fun together then the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics will have done us a HUGE favour.

 

In the whirl of life that is work, parenting, household management and everything else in between, no-one really has 'spare' time.  We have to make a conscious decision to set aside the time.  And to make that time really matter.

 

It would be all too easy to let our golden hour of family time dissolve into a fond memory but I, for one, am going to fight for it.

 

I may not be an Olympian, but I'm a mum on a mission. And that's almost just as powerful...Isn't it?

 

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Five things no-one ever tells you about parenthood

A couple of my friends have recently given birth. I have no intention of jumping on that particular bandwagon again, however the subject of new parenthood did cause me to hark back to that bewildering time in my own life.

 

Forget sleepless nights, weaning advice and potty training. Here are the things that I wish someone - anyone - had warned me about in advance...

 

1. From here on in, everything takes twice as long.  Forget grabbing your coat and nipping to the corner shop for a pint of milk.  This is now known as a military-style exercise. Prepare for the eventuality that, having spent 30 minutes grappling with small limbs and small clothes, you will realise, in the middle of the Co-op, that you have forgotten to change out of your own slippers.

 

2. Expect to be late for everything for the first six months (or in my case six years). This will not sit well with a) your boss b) elderly relatives and c) childless friends. Please refer to point 1 above.

 

3. Getting ready to go out is no longer an enjoyable part of the evening.  If you are fortunate enough to possess a) sufficient energy and b) willing babysitters, you may wish to actually leave the house in the evening without the company of small people.  The previously enjoyable process of choosing an outfit, applying make-up and (sigh) sipping an advance glass of chilled white is no longer an option.  Instead, you must master the art of the 30-second shower, the 10-second clothes change and the application of mascara in a moving taxi. Please refer to point 2 above.

 

4. Retail therapy is no longer part of your repertoire. Saturday afternoon clothes shopping, in particular, is out of the question. Make friends with your Next Directory and, indeed, any other trustworthy internet or mail order clothing company.  That's where you'll be shopping for the next decade.

Make friends with mail order

 

5. Your parents now have no interest in you, other than as chauffeuse for their grandchildren. If you receive a cursory "hello" and "goodbye" as you arrive and depart then you're doing well.

 

On the plus side, you are about to discover an amazingly versatile household staple in the form of baby wipes.  Ten years on and we're still finding uses for them in Average Towers. However did I survive without them?

What do you wish people had told you in advance about parenthood? Leave a comment and let me know!

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

What to do when you can't get motivated

Why is that some days you feel like you could take on the world and the next it's a struggle to get out of bed? Hormones? Energy levels? Weather? The prospect of an unpleasant list of chores ahead?

 

Perhaps it's a combination of all of the above.  But here's the thing: For most of us, nestling back down under the duvet isn't an option.

 

Assuming that you've managed to get up and dressed, how on earth do you motivate yourself if you are having one of those types of day?

 

I'm no stranger to the struggle to "get out the bit" as we say here in Scotland. And, like so many of you, when there's work, family life and other commitments to juggle, I almost always have a to-do list lurking, waiting to be tackled.

 

For this reason, I've eagerly absorbed every crumb of advice involving procrastination and the art of knuckling down to work. Forums, self-help books and, you guessed it, other blogs are thankfully full of suggestions. 

 

Here's my own consolidated set of techniques to help you on your way... As ever, I've included what I think is a decent mixture in the hope that there's something here for everyone.

 

Keep it short

Getting started is almost always the worst part so I've borne that in mind here.  If you can just get going and feel that you've achieved something, chances are that you might feel good enough to tackle the next task in hand.  It's therefore sometimes a good idea to start out with a job that you know you can complete quickly. As the queen of home management, flylady, says: "You can do anything for 15 minutes."

 

Keep it simple

On a similar note to the above suggestion, if you need a "quick fix" achievement, then you could do worse than to choose something easy as a starting point on your to-do list.  No matter that it doesn't take much brainpower or physical effort, you'll have done something (albeit something simple) when you were in the mood to do absolutely nothing.

 

Keep it mechanical

If even simple tasks seem like too big a mountain to climb, go for something that really is a "no brainer" - something repetitive and mechanical. That pile of paper that needs shredded, those socks that need paired, the envelopes that need stuffed. If that's all you feel up to - and it needs done anyway - go for it.

 

Keep it physical

If paperwork features in your 'to do' list but you simply can't concentrate, you may have to put it to one side temporarily.  (I appreciate that this isn't an option if you work in an open plan office!) If your schedule has the flexibility, go and do something active instead.  I'm a homeworker so I'll often go and disgruntledly hoover or mop a floor to try and power my way out of my bad mood.  These things usually need done in my house anyway, so at least I've gone some way towards tackling the chores.

 

Keep it incentivised

Promising small children a reward for completing a mundane task might be frowned upon but this time it's up to you! If you can't get yourself going, why not promise yourself something nice if you succeed in knuckling down for a certain amount of time?  It doesn't have to be anything major - even just a break for a cuppa, or a chat on the 'phone with a friend.

 

Keep it nasty

Bit of a wildcard here at the end! (Just wanted to check that you were still reading....)  Sometimes, when you are in a real grump anyway, it's worth considering doing the polar opposite to suggestions one and two. That's right:  Pick the big task you are most dreading and immerse yourself in it.  After all, if you are out of sorts you may as well be out of sorts properly!

Do you have any techniques for dealing with days when you simply "can't get out the bit?" If so, please comment below.

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Shared on Works-For-Me-Wednesday (WFMW).

Is technology taking over your family's life?

This isn't the first article on the subject of technology and its influence on family life.  I'm pretty sure that it won't be the last either. It's an emotive subject, make no bones about it. Many parents have huge concerns about their children's growing use of games consoles, mobile phones and tablets. In the run-up to the festive season, the Facebook status updates that provoked the most debate were those that read: "My child wants the latest technological gadget for Christmas - should we go ahead and get him it?" Cue a barrage of comments spanning a variety of differing parental viewpoints.

 

I'm going to start out with my usual disclaimer: This article is not going to preach about how much or how little you should be letting your children use technology.  We have several devices in our household -   it's certainly not a technology free zone. Instead, I want to explore how the average family can find the right 'technology balance' for them...

 

Two recent situations prompted me to look hard at our own family's technology use:

 

During a recent short break at a well-known family friendly resort, I couldn't help but be saddened by the situation in the evenings.  The hotel  had a lovely spacious lounge area, which many families retired to after dinner.  Despite the fact that there was musical entertainment, most families took to the sofas with their iPads or game consoles for the kids. Often, both adults had their mobile phones out.  There was no conversation.  There was no engagement with other families.  And no-one really looked as though they were enjoying themselves that much.  Since family holidays represent precious time together, I found the scenario quite distressing.

 

Even closer to home, hubby and I were becoming guilty of letting our own family's technology use creep gradually upwards. We have an iPad that is used by all the family with separate folders for children's apps (educational and fun). My daughter, who is rapidly approaching double figures, has an iPod Touch (saved for with her own money and bought second-hand from eBay).  Somewhere along the lines, our original rules about the use of these had fallen by the wayside.  The kids were spending more and more time wrapped up in their favourite apps and we were spending less and less time playing board games, chatting or even watching movies together as a family. 

 

And so we decided it was time to re-introduce and reinforce the old rules.  Time spent on iPads and iPods would be limited - and permission would need to be asked first.  Both devices would be stored in communal areas, so that there was no skulking off to bedrooms on the pretext of doing something else.  My husband and I agreed that we would make a greater effort to stay away from our mobile phones while we were eating, talking or playing as a family.  We realised that we'd become a little like the parents we described above - taking out our phones at the end of a meal just to check the weather, then getting caught up in emails while the kids copied our anti-social example.

 

Keep iPads and iPods in communal areas

 

And that's why in the future I'll try not to criticise anyone else's approach to technology. Because it's such a difficult issue. And it is oh-so-easy to let your own standards slip.  And children, as they grow older, have changing needs. And - an important point - technology is not all evil. Many schools use educational apps and some homework is now done online. On visiting our local library today, I discovered that iPads are available for use there by the general public too.  Technology allows us to access and share some amazing information. To divorce our children from that completely would not be doing them a favour - technology is an important part of our world and will have a continuing influence on all of our lives.  (Consider this: The US Department of Labour reports that  65% of today’s grade school kids will end up at a job that has not yet been invented. Scary stuff, eh?)

 

So what happens when we get it wrong? When we agree to a game that we later feel is unsuitable? Or we want to cut back the time our children spend on these devices?

 

In our average household, we decided to pay attention to our gut feeling. If it makes you uncomfortable, chances are that it's not right for your family.  So cut the time back. Take the game away. Brace yourself and say the words: "I'm sorry, we were wrong to allow you to have that. We made a mistake.  This has to stop."

 

There will be tantrums, there will be tears. But if it doesn't feel right to you, chances are that it isn't right for your children either. 

 

How does your family handle technology? Let me know if you've found a balance that works for you.

 

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?

Would self employment suit you?

A good friend of mine asked me for some advice on self employment yesterday which, in turn, has spawned today's blog post.  Of course, there are a raft of things to consider before you take the plunge and go it alone (particularly if you are giving up secure paid employment to do so).

There are many useful sites dedicated to guiding you through the nuts and bolts of setting up in business - and I've included links to a couple of such websites at the end of this article. Instead of trying to re-invent the wheel, my own post is a more personal round-up of the positives and pitfalls I've come to associate with working for myself...

Who's really the boss?

During the early years of my career in communications, I worked for a small PR agency.  One day I asked my boss whether it was nice to be "her own boss". She warned me that when you become self-employed - particularly in a service company like her own - all you are really doing is swapping one boss for lots of bosses (her clients).  I now understand what she means. Of course you have an element of control when you are self-employed - after all, you can actually turn down a project if you feel it is a bad fit.  You are, however, still answerable to your clients - and each and every one of them will want to be treated as though they are your priority.

Time is money

You need to really know your strengths and weaknesses to make self-employment pay.  It's all too easy for distractions to creep in and the hours to slip away.  Try to figure out when you are at your most productive - and structure your meatiest projects around this time.  I'm a morning person and tend to wilt as the day goes on, so I need to discipline myself to tackle the tough stuff first thing.  If you gain momentum as the day goes on, save the big jobs until later. Even when we love our work, we all love our time off too. If possible, stay focused and keep on track. That way a six hour shift won't end up lasting 12 hours instead...



Try to figure out when you're at your most productive

Easily distracted?

Distractions were mentioned above, however they merit a section all of their own! One of the upsides to self employment (particularly if you are based from home) is the flexibility to shove on a load of washing while the printer is churning out a document. Just beware of then realising that the kitchen floor could do with cleaning or that - wait a minute - it's the perfect day to do some jobs in the garden.  Be strict with yourself and find a balance.  I love to get out in the fresh air and, when the weather's great, it's almost irresistible.  My solution? I let myself use my 'lunch hour' to go for a run. Sounds pretty rigid, I know, but it works for me.

 

Boring bits

It may be stating the obvious, but although self-employment might give you the chance to do what you love, there are always going to be boring bits.  For me, as with many others, it's the book-keeping, filing and administration that I find a chore (apologies to all you clever numbers folk out there!). It doesn't ever go away so, from bitter experience, I would recommend that you tackle it on a 'little but often' basis. That way, you can avoid the prospect of a paperwork mountain - and sleepless nights in the run-up to self-assessment deadlines...

Still keen?

There's so much more to explore about self-employment or freelancing - and I hope to write some more posts on the subject soon. Meanwhile, you can read my earlier post on how to make your home office work for you here. The following links may also prove useful:

HM Revenue & Customs: First Steps to Register as Self Employed

Business Gateway

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the luck in the world!

Enjoyed this article? Why not like Average and Proud on facebook or follow me on Twitter?